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Fri
10
Aug '07

Happeee Birthday Singapore!

I went through my old blog entries and dug up this A-Z list of Uniquely Singapore traits.
Some of it has passed its prime but most are still relevant!

A- Annabelle Chong; What more can I say? Singapore’s very own golden girl who placed us in the Guinness book of records. So Durex says that we Singaporeans are an unadventurous bunch. Look at our darling. She takes it in every other orifice possible! Respect to ma girl. You take my pants off everyone.

B-Bengs; Act like punks, whine like bitches. Roystan Tan’s Fifteen says it all for our local boys. Flashy, Hokkien rapping lyrical about brotherhood. Long fringe is a must. Couple that with a long baby fingernail for that occasional ear digging. Oh oh and the sure fire way to spot a Beng. Look out for the orange comb sticking out of the back pocket.

C- Changi airport; Our pride and joy. Usually the first and last impression left on tourists, Changi Airport has won international recognition in being the BEST AIRPORT IN THE WORLD!!!! i definitely know i’m home everytime i see the familiar outline against our sky. My favorite place in the world.

D- Durian; so loved by locals we bring in durians from malaysia and thailand and hawk them all year round at Geylang. we even made one of our national icon based on the thorny fruit. You either love it or hate it. There’s no room for in betweens.

E- Eating places; Singapore boasts to be the food hub. We may not have the best food, but it is true when it comes to the number of eateries we have here in Singapore. We have one diner at every corner. If you happen to be hungry at night, chances are, there is a 24 hour eatery somewhere near you.

F- Flora and Fauna; garden city that’s what we are. every overhead bridge is decorated with bougainvilla bushes. all our roads are sidelined with shady trees and shrubs. Amazingly, our trees never seem to shed their leaves for the cleaners make sure that it’s all cleaned up. Bats fly by every night and sparrows chirp every morning. what a heavenly place to be in. relatively clean air and spotless environment. awwww. i love mother nature.

G - Government; while it is safe to say that each government is unique in its own way, no other government can rival ours in terms of honesty, corruption-free and payroll. So far our leaders have delivered what they have promised, their record of corruption is as white as their uniform. Strong will, Strong Money, and Strong Punishment are the main cause for a near perfect legislation

H- HDB; Nowhere else in the world can these compact housing be found. Made out of the same mould, HDB estates can serve as a maze playground for the orcs or minotaurs.

I- Import; As long as it’s foreign stuff, it’s good stuff. Singapore itself is small and has little resources, thus we built our nation on import and export trade, capitalizing on our only resource, humans. but even now that is being outsourced as foreign talents flood our countries, edging the rest of us out.

J-Jack Neo; Steven Spielberg cross Whoopi Goldberg with a trait of a Lao(read:old) Beng(refer point B). Local comedian/host/director who’s been boosting our movie industry with box-office shattering films about this island we call home.

K- Kiasu; A trait that ensures growth and survival. Seriously, look at how our Singaporean kids whoop the others in all money making aspects of their life. At the age of 3, most local kids would have gotten black belt in Tae Kwan do, fluent in 3 languages not including dialects, improvise Beethoven concerto in jazz and wear glasses that NASA uses to see the landscape on Pluto. 30 years and Kiasuism is all it took for us to be what we are today. Don’t anyone forget that. Long live Mr. Kiasu.

L- Lians; The Significant Other of a Beng (refer point B) Lians dress to pass off as Taiwanese or Jap but more often than not, their unique individuality shines out like a soaring thumb. Flashy outfit, tiny slit eyes, a mix of languages such as “Wo kao su ni, wo jin tian hen hairpy cos wo miit dao Carewin. Da hen hensome leh. Wo ming tian yao zhi miit da chi parti parti yi sia. Rang hou go sarper den maybe chi ML lor.” distinguishes a lian from the wannabes.
*translation: let me tell you, I’m happy today because I met up with Kelvin. He is so handsome leh. We are going to meet up again tomorrow to party for a while. Later on we will do supper and then off to make love lor*

M- Money; No lack of it here in Singapore. Every year, we complain about GST hike, COE increment, ERP costs, but yet, year after year NKF’s donation drive just gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger………….

N- National Service; unlike others, our national service really isn’t about training for war. It’s about training the boys to act like man. During national service, our men begin to develop a manly physique and above all, they learn about manhood. All in hope to impregnate our woman to relief our country of it’s dwindling population. National service provides rhem with an excuse to compare d*** size and to appreciate women better. If you, my female readers, feel lousy about yourself because you’re fat and ugly, don’t worry.
There is always hope. Hope comes on Saturday morning when NS boys book out. Swear you I, no woman is too ugly to be oogled at.

O- Orang-Utan; Singapore’s mascot Ah Meng, second only to the merlion. Tiffany, step aside. Everyone’s having breakfast with Ah Meng.

P- Punishment; Singapore is a fine country. You litter, spit, chew gum, vandalize, pluck flowers, speed, urinate, you PAY.

Q- Queue; (refer to point K) The inate ability to want the biggest, the most and the best has evolved into this particular trait to blindly follow what the majority are doing. Get in line fast.

R- Religion; Let me be serious here for a minute. No other place in the world have I seen Chinese deities, Muslim kramat and Lord Garnisha situated on the same land, unpartitioned. Thanks to our Old Man Lee and boys, we understand the need for racial harmony. Respect.

S- Singlish; the language of the country whether you like it or not. Perhaps a trait passed down from the time of the British colonization. Anyone who speaks with an English twang is immediately recognized as educated. Tsk tsk. English speaking groups consider themselves of higher stature, westernized and as such, powerful. Yet the Caucasians tries to speak in singlish and pass off as local! The real Chinese don’t quite understand us, the authentic Malays can’t comprehend us, hell, even the wholesome Americans we look up to don’t understand the words that are coming out of our mouths! That’s our language. Singlish is the one twang that identifies us from the rest of the world. You can spot a fellow Singaporean immediately when overseas.

T- Tiger beer. Hey what good is it to be the food and clubbing hub if we can’t even produce our own beer. That’s right. Tiger Beer, our very own. Unlike the cocktail, Singapore Sling, Tiger Beer is actually consumable. The same cant be said for Touche tho.

U- who me? shhh.. i’m not here. don’t call me! dowant! paiseh lah! oei! mai lah!

V- Vulgarity; We express our frustrations much better than our AngMoh counterparts, with a good mix of Hokkien, English, Chinese and Malay. Like for example, car nin na boo chao chi bye fark u understand?

W- Water; who can forget our never ending feud w malaysia and our counter attack w newwater which has been running our taps w/o us even realising it.

X- XEROX; the photocopied country. How unique and original we are depends on how we inject local flavor on the xeroxed copy of our neighbours. Esplanade is our version of Sydney’s Opera House. And our latest NDP “HOME” mtv, looks eerily familiar to Australia’s “I still call Australia home” mtv. Rows of children lined up and sang chior style, cept that our version had our kids in black and white samfoo lookalike, depicting an almost funeralistic feel.

Y- Y-chromosome; Found only in males. Increasing number of gays are coming out of the closet as our society opens up to accept them!

Z- Zouk; has placed us on the world music scene right beside Ibiza and London’s music underground. Honestly, which other major clubs plays oldies on Wednesday?

*********************************************************************

The new NDP song by Kit Chan, There’s No Place I’d Rather Be, again bears traces of Australian song.


“I walked the streets of Cairo and Bombay, I’ve seen the old neon signs on old Broadway.
I’ve climbed the Effiel Tower, the Great Wall in one hour…..
Seen Hollywood, the sunset in LA,
The London Bridge, Big Ben, The Thames, UK.
I’ve crossed the River Kwai, still i don’t know why, i think about you every night and day.
There’s no place i’d rather be……and even though i’ve roamed the world, it’s my home i’d long to see.”

Compare that with the song I’d still call Australia home.


“I have been to cities, that never close down.
From New York to Rio and old London Town.
But no matter how far, or how wide i roam,
I still call Australia home.”

Short and succint.

It is a uniquely Singaporean trait to improvise on other countries’ icons.

vs

vs

And having realised that Singaporean’s favourite pastime is punting and betting, better to have them lose money here in Singapore than over sea (cruise) or neighbouring Macau.

Even when I was in Albania, they heard about the IR in Singapore!

So what’s next?

Statue of Democracy made with the likes of MM Lee!


*note this photo is actually in place of another edited picture which i’ve decided against putting up for fear of getting my ass hauled up even though i do think it is quite harmless and will be quite entertaining as a joke but think we all know that humour goes down like a hard pill around here.

Jokes aside, I really think we should and WILL have a monument for him. Let’s even have a public holiday after him!
Afterall, the great leaders of the world, from history past to current years, have statues made with the likes of them. To commemorate their widsom and contribution.
And who better to represent our sunny island, other than the world reknowned, respected MM Lee.

Did I mention we are neighbours?
Sorta. One street away.

Happy Birthday my Singapore!

3 Responses to “Happeee Birthday Singapore!”

  1. whacamallit Says:

    why would s’pore use an orang utan as their mascot when s’pore does not even have them as an native animal…erm i am sure you know that orang utans predominantly live in the borneo islands namely sabah which is a part of malaysia don’t you…? you were not wrong about the kiasuness

  2. oda Says:

    Mia, Singapore is going global by copywriting mah ahhaha

  3. Lets Buy Property In Australia » Holiday Australia August 10, 2007 3:57 am Says:

    […] Happeee Birthday Singapore! And our latest NDP ?HOME? mtv, looks eerily familiar to Australia?s ?I still call Australia home? mtv. Rows of children lined up and sang chior style, cept that our version had our kids in black and white samfoo lookalike, depicting an … […]

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